Revenge

When I was a kid and used get into fist fights with my brother because I believed he had wronged me, my mother used to always reprimand me saying "Why are you behaving like an animal?" We often hear the same dialog in our films, something like "He his not human, he is an animal" and such dialogs are usually directed at villains. Why do we seek revenge?


People want revenge because "Revenge is sweet."  That expression holds a lot of truth when seeking revenge.  For most human beings, revenge feels good.  At the moment that one is seeking revenge, there is nothing "sweeter."  Nothing can make one feel better than getting even with someone.  So, it is the feeling of satisfaction that people receive when performing the act of revenge. Most of us would have heard the story of a man asking to be blinded in one eye as a wish, when he realizes that his enemy would get twice what he wished for. That is revenge at its zenith and the man at the nadir.


Now, lets get real. Seeking revenge is not always the best decision given a situation. Usually, it is not going to help to solve anything and it will probably make the situation worse! Revenge is unhealthy and chances are...the person will come back after you because they want revenge, creating a vicious cycle that is difficult to break! 

Before seeking revenge, have you considered that maybe, just maybe, the person who you are up against is probably more resourceful than you thought he was? Maybe he is in an impregnable fortress and you do not have the resources to break in? What happens then? Bad luck. If you were being brave, or is it bravado, to engage in direct conflict, you probably lick your wounds and resort to preaching karma. If you however were sly, you probably will pretend that nothing ever happened. However, there will be at least two people that know what you did - yourself and the one who you tried to take revenge upon.


I know revenge sounds like a good idea because it will show others that you cannot be dealt an unfair blow, but how is this going to affect your body and mind. Generally, people do harm because they misunderstand, they have their own problems they cannot handle, or they are seekers of power and/or attention. Is it worth it to try and hurt this person back? 


When people take revenge it’s usually because they are angry and unhappy about how they were treated. I am generalizing here. There could be more reasons to it but I believe basically revenge is an act resulting out of anger. If we think deep enough we will find that those who take revenge are trying to satisfy their own righteousness. It’s as if saying, “Oh alright. Since you did that to me, I am going to do this to you”.


I am sure many of us may have felt this way before but if we are thinking of taking a revenge on someone, it only shows one truth: people who take revenge are those who don’t know how to manage their own emotions correctly. 


It’s common to feel hurt and angry when we feel mistreated but no matter how we are being treated, there is no such thing as righteous anger. Anything done out of anger is always wrong. It’s not an act based on balanced thinking. If you are saying, you are not taking revenge because you are angry but because you just want to show what is right, it’s an act wanting to prove that you are right and the other person is wrong.


Remember, what’s right for us may not be what’s right for others. 


Here is what we can do: When we are being mistreated, instead of taking revenge, we can ask ourself, “Why are we being treated this way?” and find the answer and take the necessary action. If we believe that we did not do anything wrong but we are being mistreated, we have a choice of  two actions. We can try to rectify it by influencing the person(s) who is/are mistreating us by means of taking a positive action or two, like presenting our side of the story or explaining why we did, what we did. This usually works for people who have assumed they have been wronged, because they believe that we have wronged them. Such people are usually quick to see the reality and are mature enough to understand and patch up.


There is another breed - people who seek revenge, not because they have been wronged, but because they  get pleasure in destruction. If you get pleasure from causing other people pain, you should probably take a long look in the mirror at yourself. For such people - just walk away.


I have learned over time that some people are mean and its just better to stay away from them. If you have hopes that they are going to change, they probably won't. Losers never stop trying, even though they realize that they are losing the battle.


Now, let me tell you, the act of walking away is not wrong at all. It’s not being a coward but it’s being smart. Walking away only shows your maturity and inner strength. If you know someone is mistreating you, because they want to, why would you want to waste your time and energy with such a person and hurt yourself? Sometimes, you need to think about yourself, of what is good for you.


If you do take the revenge, the only feelings you probably will get out of taking revenge is some kind of inner fulfillment of successfully getting even with that person, but it doesn’t make any difference between you and that person. People who take revenge are those who don’t know how to let go. If you believe you need to take revenge on someone, it means you cannot let them be. When you cannot let others be it means you cannot let others go. To let go means to let other people be themselves. 


I cannot but wonder how wrong my mother's analogy was. Since there in no recorded evidence of animals seeking revenge or holding a grudge, I think I would rather be an animal.

Bottomline: The more you let others be themselves, the more you are going to be yourself. 


Signing off....


Rajan