Assumptions

Most of what we know about others are assumptions. We do not have the time, resources, inclination or interest to confirm what we are assuming. Assumptions are most of the time not such a good thing. Still, we make many assumptions about people, things and situations. Growing up one of the first things we learn without many lessons from others is to be selfish and want what we want. Is it safe for me to 'assume' that no one reading this blog post has ever taught their child to cry like a baby until they get what they want? 

Assumptions about why people do what they do always gets us in a mess, especially if we have never given them time or even a chance to explain or share their position or point of view. Making assumptions can really affect how we are able to live in a community. Honestly, think about it. How many times have you walked into an obstacle and thought "Which idiot put this here?" completely ignoring the fact that the obstacle was there in the first place and which ever idiot put it there, you failed to notice it?

With the advent of Internet and mobile communication, the use of telegrams has vastly diminished. I however, can vividly recollect from my younger years, the reaction when people received a telegram. They would be filled with anxiety and their hands would actually shake when signing the acknowlegement - all this even before they have read the contents of the telegram. If you get a telegram, the assumption is it is bad news.

We tend to find meaning even when it is not there. We make whatever assumptions we need, to try to make life and our experiences make sense to us, so it all fits together - to our liking. The need for meaning is much stronger than the need for reason. Most of us think we understand life and situations enough that we do not need to hear someone explain what is happening or going on in their world. We just assume we know what they are thinking. How can we be so stupid? The problem is that we are assuming we know best without really finding out the underlying truth. 

We are the recipients of all kinds of assumptions made about us on a regular basis. About our values? About our capabilities to deliver at work? Or to drive? Or to cook? You know, when this happens to us, we protest, we are quick to raise our voices about how these assumptions are denying us our equal rights in this society. Our equal place — be it in schools or workplaces or at home, why even in the virtual world of the Internet. But are we as quick or as prone to raise our voices when we make assumptions against others? 

Those of us Indians who have interacted with foreigners would have been asked at some point or the other, "Are you from India? How can you speak such good English?". They assume that Indians cannot speak good English. Quite recently, when we went out for dinner in a group, I was accompanied by my friend, Ahmed, who happens to be a vegetarian. When this was announced while ordering food, one of the other guests remarked, "How can you be named Ahmed and be a vegetarian?". It is obvious that this person was very ignorant and assumed that anyone belonging to the religion Ahmed was from, must be a meat eater. There are endless examples to show how quickly we assume and how most of the times our assumptions are wrong.

We assume that two different people, without contact to each other cannot have the same line of thought and cannot come up with the same idea, especially if we do not like the idea. This, in spite of there being multiple examples of simutaneous discoveries in Science. 


To emphasize, let me quote a paragraph from "Greatness: who makes history and why" by Dean Keith Simonton - 
"The controversy between Newton and Leibenz over who invented Calculus was notably vicious. Eventually priority was decided by a special commision of the Royal Society of London, which condemned Leibenz as a plagarist. Only later did it emerge that the draft of the commission's report was written by the society's president, Sir Issac Newton himself!". 

Yet we assume that Calculus was invented by Sir Issac Newton and even now, I am assuming that the readers of this post have heard of Calculus. And I probably will continue to assume till someone asks me "Who is Calculus?"

If someone gives us an idea we like and a few days later someone else gives us the same idea, we nod our heads in collective agreement, grin ear to ear and say,"Hey, you know what? So and so was mentioning this the other day and now you have come up with the exact same thing. Brilliant". However, if the original idea was not to our liking and we hear the same thing from some one else a few days later, we assume that the two have been colluding behind our backs and are part of a major conspiracy to ruin us.

We make an assumption and don’t even think about,YES,don’t even think about it. To undo assumptions, to be aware, takes a new way of doing things. It’s about being conscious; aren’t you very conscious when you have to change the way you are doing something? We can all work at being more self-aware of course, but none of us are immune. Someone could walk through the door right now and before we are even aware of it or conscious if it, we’ve made a list of assumptions about that person. 

Did you ever think a person was thinking something either about you or about something else and made up a whole story about it? It was probably an elaborate story, with many vivid details. Then after you spent a lot of hours fretting about it, perhaps you even told people around you as though it were fact. Only then, maybe weeks or even years later, you find out that your assumption was far from reality. 

This is how subliminal, how in a rut, our assumptions are. This is the way we make assumptions. And we all do it — none of us are immune. 


Bottomline - Assumptions are precisely what stands between you and your relationship with another human being; and between you and yourself.


Signing off....


Rajan