Proof of Guilt

A friend of mine emailed me about yesterday's post "Action-Reaction" and suggested that the post seems to be directed at a few people and related to the incidents that happened in the past week. I started out by replying to him, but then decided that it would make a good topic for today's post.


Let me start with a short story I read a long time back.

A man working night shift is sent out by his supervisor to fetch a flask of tea. On the way he witnesses a hit and run incident. So he rushes to the aid of the victim and takes him to a hospital. Being poor, he uses money from the victim's wallet for transport to the hospital and the hospital fees. He also informs the victim's family, who take their own time in coming to the hospital, while our man waits. They then accuse him of stealing money from the victim's wallet. Our man, disheartened, returns to work. His supervisor is very upset that our man missed almost the whole shift and also lost the flask without getting any tea and fires him.

Now, who is guilty here? Our man was accused and branded a thief and also lost is job, just for the basic act of trying to help out. Is that fair? No? But who said life is fair, after all.

That my friends, is the quirky nature of the human mind and the typical reaction of a guilty person. How, you ask? A friend recently said "One never trusts anyone that one has deceived". That is a gem of a statement. In other words, if we have deceived someone, our guilt will not allow us to trust them, because we cannot trust ourselves any longer. Ironical, isn't it?

Lets say, you have stolen something from someone. This someone, is blissfully unaware that you are the thief. You happen to run into the same someone in a public place and as you are approaching, you hear this someone say "I never expected he would be a thief". What is your immediate thought? Isn't it "Oh no. He found out" or "Now, how did he come to know?" or something similar? In reality, this someone might actually be talking about a character in the movie he had watched earlier that day.

That is because you are guilty. Imagine you never stole anything from this someone. Then would any of these thoughts even occur to you? Of course not. To quote Anais Nin, "We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are"

This is a lesson I learnt in the recent past from actions of people around me. Recently, a colleague at work one day during a smoke break claimed "I have been clean for months now. After 27 years of smoking, one fine morning, I woke up and decided to quit". I casually commented "Good for you. I have tried several times, but I have not been successful. Nothing seems to work. I read in an article that telling everyone that you gave up can help. So I decided to try giving up and even told all my friends that I have given up. But a few days later I found myself lying to my friends. While I was making such claims, I was still smoking secretly".

My colleague was mightily offended and started arguing asking me "Are you trying to say that I am still smoking secretly?". Turns out, he indeed was. It was his guilt that made him argue with me. The point I am trying to make here is that when we are guilty of something, we try to relate anything anyone says to our guilt and try and find meanings to what has been said in the context of our guilt. In such cases even a simple joke can create chaos and break friendships and relationships.

What do we do then? Firstly, we have to understand that it is our guilt that is making us think the way we do. It is not what is being said that is offending us. It is our guilt that is making it offensive. It is like looking at the world wearing yellow shades. The world is not painted yellow, but it is the shades that are making it appear so.

Anything anyone says need not necessarily mean what we think it does. The context can be totally different and we might be thoroughly misunderstanding what is being said. It certainly helps if we take time out to fully understand what is being said and in what context, before we jump the gun and start defending ourselves. The actions of others may not be what it appears to be.

The very fact that we are getting offended by things that are being said, whether they are related to our actions or not, is proof of guilt.Neither what we hear, nor what we see is true. The truth would usually be hidden just beneath the surface and can easily be reached, if we bother to search for it and find out. That is a very satisfying act by itself, as the moment you find out the truth you are relieved of all the guilt you might be carrying within yourself.

Bottomline - The truth may be harsh and bitter; but it never does as much damage as a lie can do.

Signing off....

Rajan